Building Resilience one crisis at a time

This week in class we discussed about Family Crisis. And event and/or events that can come unexpectedly to overwhelm the family. Some common stressors events can include a death in the family, serious illness, accidents, loss of work, moving to a new place, alcohol abuse infidelity, unwanted pregnancy, etc.

People react to crisis in different ways. We cannot control the events that occur in our lives, but we can control the way we respond to them.

Another thing to have in mind when going through a crisis or stressor event is that coping isn’t just getting by, it’s much more than that. The decisions you make during the stressor can make up all the difference.

Just recently, I have had a couple of stressors where my older sister who lives in another country, had her third beautiful child and everything was going great until the baby got the cold that was going around the home. For new born babies, it is dangerous for them to get a cold because they still have much control over their little bodies so if their nose gets stuffed up, they do not have enough to breath. So because of this, they went to the doctors thinking that they would be helped and then go on their way home, but it was not the case. They ended up having that visit turn into an overnight stay in the hospital. That overnight stay ended up being another night stay, until it turned into a week. After that week, they were transferred to another hospital in the city, that had special equipment that could help the baby’s temperature go down and her stuffy nose clear up.

This whole time, I felt helpless because here I was at work, and my sister was sending me messages saying that she felt lonely. Her husband, even though he wanted to be there, had work that couldn’t be left, she had two other kids that she hadn’t seen for 2 weeks and she felt like her baby girl was not going to get better. I felt like I needed to buy a ticket straight her way and go give her comfort, but I couldn’t because I was saving up for college that summer. If I left, I would have $0 for college. But then again I thought, How can I be so selfish? My sister needs me! But I was reminded that, she wasn’t actually alone.

As a Latter-day saint, we believe that Prayer is a powerful tool for us to feel the love of God and his saving power whenever we talk to him in prayer. So in that moment, I prayed to my Heavenly Father to send angels of comfort to them. And if anything would happen to the Baby, to help us see it in a good light instead of a hopeless, negative one.

Because of this, I was able to see that my sister did have a lot more help than I thought. She had resources that were helping her in that moment. It just had to take a moment to recognize them.

She had doctors and specialists that were working with her Baby. Her husband was able to take at least the weekends off to be with her, her mother-in-law was taking good care of her other 2 kids. We also had the power of prayer to give us hope and faith that no matter what happened, everything would be OK. We also had the connection of skype, to be able to talk to her during in the hospital and be able to keep in touch with her and the Baby. My sister also had community members come and visit her in the hospital and bring her home cooked meals, and little gifts to keep her busy in the hospital.

She had angels and resources around her the whole process. It just took a second to recognize them. Thankfully, the Baby is healthy now and my sister was able to learn from this experience. It helped her and her husband realize that the most important thing they have in this life is their little family. Because of this, they became closer as they worked together to get through this difficult time.

This is a great example of how we can become resilient, how to bounce back, during a difficult time/event.

(These steps come from the video Building Resilience in 5 ways by Dr. Steven Marmer)

1-We need to get some perspective on the situation, how bad is the Problem?

2-We need to recognize that maybe it isn’t so bad after all, I have other resources that are helping me.

3-We need to toughen up and push ourselves. We have so much more strength than we think, but in order to be strong we need to seek that strength, and these difficult times can help with that. We need to remember that “This moment is helping me become stronger”.

4- We need to remember that we are the architect of our life.

5-We need to take an honest inventory of our lives. How many of the speed bumps have I created? What do I have control over?

We must remember that it is not the event that will predict the future, but it is the cognition, the way we see the event, that gives different outcomes to different people. And the way we apply the resources influences the way we see the event.

Let us not forget that we are strong, and we do have help! We just need to recognize it!