If you thought that marriage was going to be a fairytale from
the start, you were wrong. I’m not saying that marriage will never be able to
attain a happy state, but in order to achieve happiness you have to go through
some changes and transitions to marriage. These transitions include the
wedding, initial marriage, introduction of children, and inclusion of
additional children.
Regarding engagement, it is accustomed for people to make
their engagement into a social media event, and when they do this, they
disregard the beauty of the event. And I’m not saying that the engagements shouldn’t
be broadcasted, it should be celebrated with joy, but when you do it for “likes”
on a post, you are focusing on the wrong thing. Engagement shows more of a
commitment and a level of preparation for more adjustments to come during
wedding preparations and the actual marriage.
Regarding, wedding planning, in America, the average wedding
cost around $26,000. People are focusing to much on making the wedding this extravagant
event, that they forget the focus of the wedding, which is to make a vow to your
future spouse that you will commit and sacrifice to the marital relationship. When
our focus is on the other material stuff, our minds can get overwhelmed with
the stress of planning and marriage can seem to be something stressful, so others
decide to cohabitate and disregard all the stressful event planning stuff. Which
should not be the case. Marriage is a wonderful thing that should be planned
and well though-out, but the wedding party should not overwhelm the importance
of the marriage ceremony and vows.
When you are engaged, it is important to recognize that the
future husband should help with the planning as well. Most women default the
planning to themselves and decide all on themselves on how things should be to
make the day perfect. However, we miss an opportunity when we don’t learn to plan
together in so many things that has to do with spending money. There was this
one girl in our class who is engaged that decided that she should involve her fiancé
in the planning since she had been planning with herself and her mom for a
while. But when she took the time to ask her fiancé about his opinions, turns
out he had some concerns and new ideas about the wedding decorations.
And if she
had never asked for his opinion, he wouldn’t have spoken up because, the future
fiancé didn’t want to seem like he was micromanaging his fiancée. Because of
this, now they will plan together, and they will be practicing more mutual
respect and decision making together. This will help for when they will have to
make more life changing decisions as a couple.
During Marriage, there will be some changes that you will
have to consider that you didn’t have to make when you were single. Some of the
adjustments may include, friend groups, care for another vs self, different living
habits, intimacy, share of responsibilities and roles, and family sharing time.
When one is single, you must adjust your “single habits” to
married habits. The friends that you used to hang out with cannot expect to have
all your attention anymore. Your attention and priority to work on should be
with your spouse.
Also, you need to recognize that you will be living with someone
that you haven’t lived with before so establishing different responsibilities
and roles can prevent some misunderstandings. For example, if the wife expects
the husband to pick up his laundry from the floor without telling him, and he
leaves his laundry on the floor. Then the wife gets mad and thinks negatively
about the husband and generalizes him as a slob, and that is not correct. She
might do some things that will make the husband think that the wife is a control
freak by getting mad at something he’s been used to doing his whole life. So if
the couple talks about different responsibilities like this, they can prevent
having unmet expectations, but they can practice talking and compromising together.
There need to be some adjustments made from both sides.
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